a partial listing of things I've found in my yard, either buried or partially so

1. a plastic tyrannosaurus rex, approx. 4" long
2. used tires, three (3)
3. the head of a hammer
4. a plastic scarecrow, approx. 7" tall
5. large metal ring, approx. 20" diameter
6. "afro-style" hair pick, blue
7. "afro-style" hair pick, purple
8. nokia cell phone battery, indeterminate model number
9. rib bones, apparently from a pig, approx. 4
10. saw blade, half-a-circle-shaped, approx. 24" diameter
11. doll head with blinky eyes
12. bricks, assorted sizes, approx. 8
13. half a digimon
14. frisbee, traditional shape, orange
15. frisbee, traditional shape, blue
16. frisbee, super flyer, purple
17. high quality cinder block
18. Steel Reserve bottles, labels still identifiable, approx. 30
19. Steel Reserve cans, printing identifiable, approx. 15
20. Olde English 40-oz malt liquor bottle, unopened
21. golf balls, approx. 3
    

No More Work!

The Kittens have taken over my inbox.

24hours @ 24hr Fitness (Westwood)

1am:
Dead. Silenced TVs and a few high school students who are being Teh Bad by sneaking outta the house, OOOH, to Go to The Gym.
most popular iPod Playlist: Raw Trax (featuring System of a Down & Tool)

6.30am-8.30am:
The early morning rush. Prime time for young office sprites to rush thru 20 minutes of cardio, then a quick interval of freeweights, then back home in time to shower & catch the bus downtown. Sometimes they get jammed up waiting for the machines & they have to drive to work. The injustice!
most popular iPod Playlist: Early Morning Getup Jamz! (featuring Kylie Minogue & the Pixies)

9am-11am:
Soccer Moms & Freelance morning-people. They sometimes come in groups of 3 or 4, after they have done their cardio, they often can be found sitting on the floor of the nautilus machine-area critiquing each other on anything from how to do the right cobra pose to why they'd never wear those sneakers if they were you. The single folk are often on their cell phones talking tech, but casually mentioning "Oh, I'm at the gym. Those noises in the background, they're cause I'm at the GYM." Like no one believed them when they said they belonged to a gym.
most popular iPod Playlist: Early Morning Workout Jamz! (featuring Fischerspooner & the Pixies)

11am-2pm:
Geriatric time! This is the most likely time slot to see people walking on treadmills (at a speed of one mile per hour) who get off only to grab a walker. Also - most likely to see men in sansabelt pants and women with hushpuppies. *Best time to use nautilus machines for as long as you want to!
most popular iPod Playlist: Whatever you're listening to. The old folks don't have iPods. The things on their arms are heart monitors.

2pm-4.30pm:
High schoolers! Freelance people! A whole lotta elderly Asians! The most unattractive hippie in the world! It's really a grab bag in this time slot. Everyone is wearing headphones, most are jogging. Some of the older Asian women seem to time their cardio to their favorite soap operas, and if you're on one of the prime machines for whatever soap it is, they will stand behind you, grunting and tapping their foot on the butt end of your elliptical trainer until you relent, and give the Asian women what they want. Damn, they're persuasive, and annoying! The most unattractive hippie in the world jogs, and he jogs fast. He gets very sweaty very quickly, and you can see the moisture dripping off his skinnyass calves onto the treadmill. It's revolting to watch his ponytail get less and less voluminous, his fannypack bouncing all the while. Ick!
most popular iPod Playlist: TIE--Freelancers: My Milkshake Mix (featuring both Kelis & the Postal Service). High Schoolers: Crunk Jamz 2000!

5pm-7.30pm:
Don't go to the gym now, chirren! The loudspeakers are on HIGH VOLUME. The sounds of Van Halen & the perky front desk people reminding you that there is a 20 minute limit on any equipment will interrupt any happy times you've got on your iPod. Every business person, every bartender who hasn't gone in to work yet, every one who doesn't have a flexible schedule is at the gym now. It sucks ass. Avoid it at all costs!

8pm-9.30pm:
This is when the seriously obese people are at the gym. To taunt them, all the networks on the televisions seem to only play fast food commercials interspersed with happy fat people having fun. To taunt the seriously obese people in a different way, the seriously underweight people are also fond of going to the gym at this time, so they can work off their salads. The floor is shaky from the combined weight & enthusiasm.
most popular iPod Playlist: Get Skinny! (featuring y'all ready for this (aka NBA Theme Song) and Madonna's Music)

10pm-12.30am:
Large groups of young people, of both genders and all races, go to the gym because, in Seattle, there is nothing else to do until you're 21. Best time to get chatty with underage, but legal, asian hotties! And their friends! They like to sit on the machines and talk to boys. They don't wear iPods, but they do talk on cell phones. And they are very courteous & get out of the way if you actually DO want to work out, but, like, why would you do that, when there's a hot asian chick smiling at you? They are Teh Silly! And they like to run around! And pretend they don't know what they're doing, so the boys can come & show them how to Really Do a Sit Up. Highly Recommended time slot for going to 24hr Fitness, Westwood!
most popular iPod Playlist: Girl Power! (Featuring Peaches, Gwen Stefani & Missy Elliot)

getting older, one day at a time

I have very recently (day-before-yesterday) gotten older. Not in the sense that we each age momentarily (by the time this is posted, i will have aged significantly, as i am a slow-poster) but in the sense that when i am taking a survey or filling out a form, i will now be part of the 28-36 demographic and not the 21-27.
To commemorate this once-in-a-lifetime occasion, Scott Jones & I went to one of my favorite places in the world, cannon beach oregon. In the summertime, cannon beach is chock-a-block with families, children recreating all over my personal space. In the wintertime, cannon beach the town seems to be under construction, and cannon beach the beach seems to have maybe 10 people on it at a time, about 4 of whom appear to be uptight and gay, one of whom will have at least 3 dogs, one of whom will be old and angry, and the rest will be young couples trying to get a good deal on the hotels in the area. We definitely got a good deal.
The beach was stunning. Waves crashing against haystack rock, starfish & seagulls everywhere, standing at the edge of the pacific with my favorite person - I couldn't have asked for a better birthday. Good wine, amazing food, and SO MUCH LAUGHING. I can't tell you everything we laughed at, but my stomach still hurts.

Thank you Scott Jones, and thank you Cannon Beach. Y'all are awesome.